As we mark Mental Health Day on the 10th October, I’ve found myself thinking about the various topics that could really benefit from being given more air time right now. In my role as a clinical psychologist working in NHS maternal and perinatal services, and a mum to three excellent little humans, one stood out for me in particular: perinatal mental health, and why it really matters to us all.
‘Perinatal’ mental health refers to the mental wellbeing of individuals during pregnancy and typically up to a year after birth. In healthcare settings, perinatal services typically support new mothers, or mums-to-be, through psychologically-informed interventions, but there is wide recognition of the fact that perinatal mental health encompasses their partners and wider systems also.
The journey into parenthood, of course, begins for many people long before a pregnancy succeeds and a baby is born; through months or years of trying to conceive, enduring invasive fertility treatments, or navigating the heartbreak of loss(es). Even once pregnancy is achieved, it doesn’t always come with the joy we might expect. Nausea, exhaustion, anxiety, and fear can take a toll physically and emotionally, especially when layered on top of past difficulties.
With the arrival of children and through the work that I do in my NHS as well as independent roles, I’ve found myself reflecting on the quieter struggles that often accompany early parenthood — the ones that don’t always get talked about openly. I’d like to take time to open up a conversation about them here, and hope you’ll join me in extending compassion and support to all current or future parents navigating this journey.
Joy Meets Exhaustion: The Hidden Toll of New Motherhood
Becoming a parent is often described as one of life’s most joyful experiences, and for many, it is. However, it is also a time of profound change, vulnerability, and for some, significant distress. Beneath the surface of baby showers, milestone cards and photos, well-meaning congratulations from family and friends and proud social media posts, there is another story that’s often left untold: the emotional and psychological challenges that can come with the transition to parenthood, even when this has been long awaited and much longed for. These can be particularly compounded by broken, depleted sleep and physical exhaustion (not for days, but for months on end), a re-jigging of one’s identity, disconnection from previous hobbies, social interactions, and inevitable changes within their partner relationships if they are in one. As such, at a time when new mums are recovering physically and hormonally from birth, adjusting to the responsibility of keeping a new human alive and trying to find some sort of daily rhythm, they are also often stripped of their usual coping strategies and resources. It’s little surprise that for some, this is a troubling recipe for their mental health.
When Parenthood Feels Heavy: Exploring Perinatal Mental Health Challenges
Many new parents say that they expected sleepless nights, endless nappy changes and a steep learning curve with the arrival of little ones; this was all covered in their antenatal classes, friendly advice from those around them and in various parenting guides that might have been read. Not so many, however, ever expected to experience intrusive thoughts about harm coming to themselves or their child (even though these are remarkably common), panic attacks, anxiety about germs and hygiene that can spiral into obsessive cleaning and avoidance of public spaces, or the crushing weight of sudden sadness despite having ‘everything they ever asked for’. Some describe feeling disconnected from their baby after birth, waiting for the rush of instant love to arrive yet it doesn’t seem to come, overwhelmed by the subsequent guilt that accompanies this. Others never expected how challenging establishing breastfeeding would be, having always heard that it’s ‘natural’ therefore it must be intuitive and… easy. The crushing disappointment when this isn’t the case – or when they realise that it might not be what they actually wish to do, in the face of societal pressure – is palpable and for some can trigger depression that goes well beyond the ‘baby blues’.
In the UK, about 1 in 10 women experience postnatal depression in the first year after birth. About 14% of new mums report clinically-significant symptoms of anxiety (this was significantly higher at nearly 30% during Covid-19) and around 2% experience obsessive-compulsive symptoms (OCD) in the postnatal period. 4-6% of those who give birth develop post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms following childbirth, whilst many more (up to 15% according to recent studies) report trauma-related symptoms including nightmares, hypervigilance and cognitive disturbance that don’t amount to diagnosable PTSD but are nevertheless hugely distressing.
Non-birthing partners and fathers are not immune to many of these difficulties; rates of postnatal depression among new dads are comparable to those of new mothers, while PTSD among partners witnessing traumatic childbirth is reported to affect around 1-2% (although again, many more experience symptoms that won’t meet full diagnostic criteria yet can severely impact their psychological wellbeing).
These statistics are stark, but they are more than just numbers: they represent real people, navigating some of life’s most vulnerable transitions whilst trying to care for a newborn. They highlight not just a maternal health concern, but also a concern for early infancy, early relationships and the importance of supporting new parents more thoroughly in light of the repercussions that not doing so might have.
It’s a call for compassion, awareness, and action. And when we consider that these difficulties often go unrecognised or untreated, especially in marginalised communities, the urgency becomes even clearer.
When Birth Brings Crisis
Postpartum psychosis, which is a rare but serious acute mental health condition that affects around 1 in 1,000 new mothers, can appear suddenly, with symptoms like rapid mood changes, delusional thoughts, or hallucinations. It can be profoundly distressing and disorientating for the individual experiencing it, particularly during periods of greater insight such as during recovery when they become more aware of what has been happening. For partners, witnessing a loved one suddenly behaving in ways that feel unfamiliar or alarming can be deeply confusing and distressing too. It might feel as though the person they know has disappeared overnight. They may not understand what’s happening, may feel frightened or helpless, and might even question whether this is something temporary or something permanent. This confusion is often accompanied by fear: fear for their partner’s wellbeing, for their baby, and for the future they imagined together.
And yet, with timely and appropriate support, recovery is absolutely possible. Perinatal mental health difficulties are not a sign of weakness or failure; they are a reflection of how deeply parenthood can affect every part of our being, and a response to the huge physical, hormonal and emotional changes of becoming a parent. Just like with any other health issue, perinatal mental health problems deserve our attention, care and support. Not only does this benefit the parent(s) themselves, but also the future generation of children and society as a whole.
It Takes a Village: How We Can All Support Perinatal Mental Health
Recognising the signs of mental health problems among new parents — and knowing it’s okay to ask for help — can make a life-changing difference. That’s why Mental Health Awareness Week isn’t just about individual reflection; it’s also a call to action for us all, because collectively we can make a huge impact.
Here are some things that we can do to support new parents in our community:
- Check in regularly with new parents – A brief phonecall or a text message will often suffice, simply to ask “How are you really?” and listen without rushing to fix or compare.
- Offer practical help – A meal, a load of laundry, or watching the baby so they can shower or nap.
- Don’t assume they’re okay – Even if they look like they’re coping, they might be struggling silently and feel too ashamed to initiate a conversation about it. Listen without judgment
- Avoid unhelpful comments – Phrases like “enjoy every minute” or “at least…” can feel dismissive and invalidating.
- Normalize talking about mental health – Help reduce shame by being open and non-judgmental. Talk about mental health in the same breath as physical recovery after birth
- Include partners too – They often feel overlooked but may be struggling as well.
- Respect their pace – Some parents feel pressure to bounce back; let them know it’s okay to take their time.
- Know where to signpost if you’re worried about their wellbeing – Be familiar with support services (including GPs, health visitors, PANDAS, local support groups – see below links).
If you’re a new parent and something doesn’t feel right — whether it’s anxiety, low mood, rage, numbness, or simply not feeling like yourself — please know you’re not alone, and it’s okay to seek support. Help is available, and it works.
Parenthood is complex. It can bring immense joy and deep struggle — often in the very same moment. Acknowledging this, and offering each other compassion and care, is one of the most powerful ways we can support perinatal mental health — not just this week, but always.
Dr Kasia Mullan is a highly specialist Clinical Psychologist working in an NHS perinatal mental health team, alongside providing psychological therapy (individual and couples) in her independent practice.
Tel: 01628 334917
Where To Turn to For Help
| Category | Service | Contact / Info |
| NHS Healthcare Professionals (Primary Care) | GP | Can offer support, referrals, and medication. |
| Midwife or Health Visitor | Trained to check on emotional wellbeing and link to specialist care. | |
| Mental Health Urgent Services | NHS urgent helpline: Call 111 and you will be directed to your local service | |
| NHS Talking Therapies | Self-refer for therapy particularly for mild/moderate anxiety and depression. https://talkingtherapies.berkshirehealthcare.nhs.uk/ https://www.oxfordhealth.nhs.uk/bucks-talking-therapies/help/ | |
| NHS Specialist Perinatal Mental Health Support (Secondary Care) | NHS Perinatal Mental Health Services | Ask your GP or midwife for a referral |
| NHS Maternal Mental Health Services (MMHS) | Available in many areas, e.g. Buckinghamshire and Berkshire, for birth trauma, loss, or complex issues related to maternity experience. | |
| Charities and Helplines | PANDAS Foundation | 📞 0808 1961 776 | www.pandasfoundation.org.uk |
| Mind | 📞 0300 123 3393 | www.mind.org.uk | |
| Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP) | 🌐 www.app-network.org | |
| Tommy’s | 🌐 www.tommys.org | |
| Birth Trauma Association | 🌐 www.birthtraumaassociation.org.uk | |
| Support for Partners and Families | Dads Matter UK | 🌐 www.dadsmatteruk.org |
| The Fatherhood Institute | 🌐 www.fatherhoodinstitute.org | |
| General Note | Many of the above services support partners, dads, co-parents, and families. | |
In an emergency, call 999 or attend your local A&E service as soon as possible | ||
